But I've been trying to wrap my head around what I would like to say. I keep thinking about my overall role as Mommy. Parenthood. BiPolar. Just trying to get a grip on my life. And honestly realizing that I am coming out from underneath the haze of everything that the first year brought to me.
We celebrated her 1 year birthday almost an entire month ago. Ever since her party I have noticed that I am veiwing the world around me as if for the first time. I know that I had/have post partum anxietyish symptoms. I have been very honest with myself, and my family, about how I have been feeling. I don't think I missed out on any of the wonderful memories that we have made this past year. But for some reason I feel like I am starting to breathe again for the first time.
Maybe it's simply that I am finally adjusting to my new way of life. *With Baby* or Child, or whatever. It's just funny to me that yesterday I was thinking about all of the cliche things that you hear when you are pregnant for the first time and how it will change your life. And then last night on my twitter feed I read a post from the Today Show about that very topic. I wish someone would have told me that those little cliche's weren't cliche's at all! They were fact. But I think people feel the need to say them with a slight giggle to avoid their own uncomfortable realization of said fact. CHILDREN CHANGE EVERYTHING
Not even in a negative way. But let's take a minute to add BiPolar to the equation. Now I firmly believe that every insurance company, public assistance program, family, dinosaur, you name it- should provide a doula/mommy assistant to every person post birth from birth to, oh say... 12 months. Being a new mommy is hard work. Doing it with everyone looking at you like you are crazy because you don't want to leave your baby's side is worse.
I know that I might be imagining some of the confused expressions when I talk about our Attachment Parenting lifestyle, but some are very real. And some aren't confused at all. Some are simply unspoken insults and expressions of, "oh my god, I thought you were normal, but clearly you are insane!" In the past I used to spring into conversations within the first few minutes, "I'm BiPolar!" Now it's "we cloth diaper & cosleep!"
So I guess what I'm trying to say is, wow! No one could have ever prepared me for this. But I wouldn't change a thing.
