Mom Enough

And I'm not talking about the time magazine cover... I find myself constantly debating in my head the type of mother I plan to be, and the things that I want to avoid doing and saying seem to be on constant repeat playing over and over and over. I want so badly to break away from the parenting style that I was brought up by. The choices my mom made, and still makes, haunt me. I know my husband gets sick of me saying things like, "If you ever hear me saying ...." or "If you ever see me doing..." and "If I ever... Please call me out!"

I know my case is much different or maybe even very similar to other moms out there. I was raised by a narcissist, and I know that I am not one, so I should find some solace in knowing that the things said and done to me will not be modeled for my little one. My mother has complained to us her whole life about how horrible her mother was to her and her siblings growing up. I don't want to do that, but I find myself complaining to my husband a lot lately. Dare I even say, within earshot of our daughter.

The most recent event actually warrants our discussion however. Here's a snippet: Mother of the Year plans a "family vacation" to California excluding her eldest daughter from the planning or even mentioning said plans. Daughter finds out from Mother-in-law about this family vacation which was posted on Facebook. When daughter asks mother about trip, mother says, "didn't think you'd be interested." When daughter plans to make her own travel arrangements to join the "family" mother says, "we have a lot planned, and it isn't a good idea." The end.

So mom enough. Am I mom enough for my daughter. At this point I don't think so, because after trying so hard not to be her, I am. I am complaining about the very things she once complained to us about. But the difference between her and I is I WILL BE MOM ENOUGH to change it right now. I will dig deep to accept the path that is before me, and let go of the path I thought I was heading down. I will accept my past for my past. Make peace with it. Be happy in each and every moment that I get to spend with my precious daughter.  And show her that her mom is Mom Enough to give her a childhood full of joy and happiness. Every single day.

So now, I must turn to Pinterest to rock her world!

Underachieving...

Pinterest makes me feel like less of a person. I don't mean to spend my free-time (all 27.5 minutes of it) scrolling through endless, and often repeating, pins of granola, granola, oh look more GRANOLA.   When I started the initial birthday planning process for DD I quickly skimmed some of the pins that related to my theme before deciding that they were all basically useless. So stay tuned for what I've concocted!  Then today, I turned to Pinterest once again to locate some breakfast ideas for DD. And I log off, feeling like a failure because I'm not spending 37 hours creating wonderful gourmet breakfasts for my dear family. Their imminent health problems are all my doing!

R saw our chiropractor yesterday for some allergy testing. She only made it through four foods before melting down. I love our Dr. But she hates him :(  Anyway, the culprit of her disrupted flora...HONEY. She has been consuming honey daily for over a year. I was trying to build her immunities to the local pollens, but I was causing her to be slightly broken inside. Fail. Dr. of course tells me to slow my roll. But in his, stop-being-so-ridiculous and listen to me shpeel, he said humans on average only consume 22 different foods!  22!  That's not many.

Enter BiPolar Mommy Brain. I must find as many diverse and wholesome recipes as I can find to feed my family. Operation new food throw down begins. We stopped by our favorite local health food store after leaving our Drs office. I loaded up on random breakfast cereals, some spirulina (also a new adventure), and some other necessities.

First up: Qia- chia, buckwheat, hemp cereal.  My 23 mo HATED IT. So she had yogurt for breakfast. DF of course. I'll try a few new recipes to see what I can come up with. Wish me luck!

BiPolar can take a #!

Yes, it's been a while. I get it. I haven't had a clear enough mind to devote to writing. I think about it though, often. Most of the time I have great inspiring potential posts when I'm nursing and rocking my bambino. Yup, still nursing AND rocking my almost 21 month old to sleep.   No big deal.

Life is quite fun now. I am an allergy free chef in the kitchen of yours truly.  Pretty much our whole family is GF and DF. In between dodging fish stick rockets I'm googling how to treat yet another diaper rash on her super sensitive bottom. She's still going potty 70% of the time in the toilet.

So Cat in the Hat is on the tube, a stock pot of diapers is on the stove, and my super awesome baby is curled up in my legs.

Yesterday's Fish Stick Fail- she hated them, and I don't blame her... I hate cod too. I don't know what I was thinking. You can find the recipe here. I used GF panko, and white balsamic vinegar.








Easter :)