Mom Enough

And I'm not talking about the time magazine cover... I find myself constantly debating in my head the type of mother I plan to be, and the things that I want to avoid doing and saying seem to be on constant repeat playing over and over and over. I want so badly to break away from the parenting style that I was brought up by. The choices my mom made, and still makes, haunt me. I know my husband gets sick of me saying things like, "If you ever hear me saying ...." or "If you ever see me doing..." and "If I ever... Please call me out!"

I know my case is much different or maybe even very similar to other moms out there. I was raised by a narcissist, and I know that I am not one, so I should find some solace in knowing that the things said and done to me will not be modeled for my little one. My mother has complained to us her whole life about how horrible her mother was to her and her siblings growing up. I don't want to do that, but I find myself complaining to my husband a lot lately. Dare I even say, within earshot of our daughter.

The most recent event actually warrants our discussion however. Here's a snippet: Mother of the Year plans a "family vacation" to California excluding her eldest daughter from the planning or even mentioning said plans. Daughter finds out from Mother-in-law about this family vacation which was posted on Facebook. When daughter asks mother about trip, mother says, "didn't think you'd be interested." When daughter plans to make her own travel arrangements to join the "family" mother says, "we have a lot planned, and it isn't a good idea." The end.

So mom enough. Am I mom enough for my daughter. At this point I don't think so, because after trying so hard not to be her, I am. I am complaining about the very things she once complained to us about. But the difference between her and I is I WILL BE MOM ENOUGH to change it right now. I will dig deep to accept the path that is before me, and let go of the path I thought I was heading down. I will accept my past for my past. Make peace with it. Be happy in each and every moment that I get to spend with my precious daughter.  And show her that her mom is Mom Enough to give her a childhood full of joy and happiness. Every single day.

So now, I must turn to Pinterest to rock her world!