Broken Bank

Living paycheck to paycheck really sucks but somehow I'm still managing to make sure we have organic groceries going into our little tummy's because overall the food that we put in our bodies is the most important thing for making sure that we stay healthy. When you're poor you can't afford to be sick.  Especially since the doctor's that we go to we have to pay out of pocket for because the company refuses to cover alternative medicine.  Chiropractor.  Alternative medicine.

Sometimes I find myself getting really sad about the things that I want to buy baby but I can't.  I have to realize that she will never know because this is the time of her life that she's just enjoying every little thing around her and it doesn't matter if she's got on her new designer shoes today.  I hate my spoiled thinking brain!

And like rubbing salt in our wounds the news reported about how important it is to have a savings account for emergency expenses.  I screamed at the TV when I saw this because it's people like us, people like Travis and I, who are barely making it work.  We don't even have the extra $20 a week to put into savings!  I've tried that, and every single week when it's automatically deposited into my savings I have to pull it back over into my checking account just to cover our expenses. And that's just $20, the news recommends $50 a week!  Stupid news!

We're eating rice and beans for crying out loud!  Screw cutting out that $4 latte!

Na na na na life goes on...

Mood today: Looking up
Energy level: So so...

FFFFFFFFFFF Student loans!

Undone....

Diapers need stuffed, the kitchen needs to be cleaned, the floors need to be swept and mopped.  The dogs are barking, the baby might wake up soon...  But I decided I need to sit here and take a moment to reflect on how freaking lucky I am.

I will be 30 this week.  The big 3-0.  I have lived many places.  I have seen far too many things.  I have said many more things that I wish I could have erased.  But I have lived.  I am healthy.  My baby is healthy.  I struggle.  I never know what each day will bring.  If I will be able to muster the energy to make it from my morning cup of coffee to the last bite of my dinner in the evening.

I love my life.  Sometimes I find myself green with envy of friends and colleagues.  But then I look in the mirror and I can proudly say that I am HAPPY and I LOVE who I am.  Even though I have made many sacrifices over the last year, I have never gone without anything that I have needed.  I have just learned that I need a lot less than what I used to have.

I miss my sisters.  My mood is -----  Not really high, not low, just ----  I miss my sister.