People are Strange...

When you're a stranger... Ahhhh The Doors are stuck in my head right now-

Life has definitely been throwing me a few fast pitches over the last couple of days.  I don't like the idea of curve balls  because I think you can still pretty well see those coming!  My poor baby sister is basically being held hostage as part of an all out family feud.

With the help of some very patient and kind counselors, and DSM-GOOGLE, I have realized that the majority of the personal ticks and issues that I have are a direct result of being raised by a Narcissistic Mother.  And all this time I just assumed she was BiPolar like the rest of us, but it turns out she is not... She has said she has been tested and wasn't, which never made much sense to any of us that were close enough to see her patterns of behavior, until NOW!

Cue: Lightbulb!

My husband, sister, and father have all had this huge Ah-Hah! moment.  So now to add that to my long list of: Please Let Me Avoid These Things While Raising My Daugher-

Top of the list- Check yourself.  Are you a narcissist?  Are you providing R with stability?  Are you well?

I ask my self an entire plethora of self-check questions every day. Part of my daily mood charting routine (which I am not doing religiously) and check in.  My husband has noticed the difference.  I have noticed the difference.  Until this weekend I have been regulated.  My mood has not fluctuated much at all.  I always find myself searching my baby's eyes for signs of me being off... I peer in looking for a sign that she thinks I'm RIDICULOUS.  Luckily she just gives me the same "I love you, you're my mommy" eyes every day all day!

So as part of my therapy I delve into Stability Training.  Interestingly enough, one of the bloggers I occasionally read wrote about stability today!  It is important for children to know what to expect.  It gives them security.  I never had that as a child and I vow to always provide it for my daughter.  Except in those rare instances when I feel like we need to load up the family and Road-trip-It to somewhere bizarre- Like the magical tree-houses that I keep hearing about here in Oregon.  I can't wait until she's old enough to partake in my whimsical moments :-)  Daddy just might get a phone call from Canada!

Today I am well.  I miss my sisters, both of them!  I have resumed my household chores and I am well.  I am well.  Living with a diagnosis of BiPolar you immediately think of yourself as something other than well, but YOU ARE WELL.

Thank you T for reminding me of that!  I <3 you