Staycation-

Since my husband has been home for most of the last month I have sort of been all over the radar.  I feel mostly even keel- but I bet he would beg to differ.  Again, I need to be logging my moods!  UGH!  It just seems like too big of a task to face my feelings throughout the day.  My house is sort of covered in incomplete projects, but I see an end in sight for all of them.  I have been pretty good about setting realistic expectations for myself.  Part of that has included ignoring the outside world.

On an interesting note, Travis has spent his time off diving into child-rearing books ;-)  I guess baby happened and then he realized, "oh wait, maybe I should learn a little about this squirmy thing!"  I'm glad that he is finally taking an initiative.  He did read the Attachment parenting book that I threw at him early on when I decided that we were going to be an "attached family" no matter how difficult it seemed.  And we have succeeded so far; baby-wearing, co-sleeping, exclusive breast-feeding and all the ooey gooey stuff in between.

Anyhow, his most recent read has been supporting my instincts as a Mommy which is quite great!  He even came across some info about how you can possibly prevent mental illnesses such as Bipolar with the right amount of nurture!  Imagine that!  Loving your child and holding them and caring for them can actually make their brain function at it's full capacity.  Without any mishaps- mood swings- hi's and low's.

I feel like I have been trying to do everything I can to set her up for a stable adult life.  I don't want her to have the pitfalls that I have had that are a direct result of my illness.  I want to protect her from the shame and confusion that come along with mental illness.  Even if we as a society make the efforts to educate others about these illnesses, the self-destructive shame still exists.  I have paid careful attention to brain specific nutrients and supplements, avoided chemicals thought to be toxic and neurologically damaging, and had a full on breakdown when I realized that my most recent cavity was filled with a metal rather than the ceramic that is recommended for people with mental illness.

But I am optimistic now!  I have hope that she will be "stable."  She does have one CRaZY Momma, but she may prevail nonetheless.